STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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