I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
