We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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