I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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