Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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