yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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