I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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