Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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