There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
