discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
