I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
