Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
