and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I could make wine with my vomit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
