ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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