God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
