i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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