Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this boner is exhausting
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
