He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
