So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
