I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
