I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
