dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
