After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
