i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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