I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
