I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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