Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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