Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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