Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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