if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
