I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
