all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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