At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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