She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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