My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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