my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
