And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As shirtless as possible
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
