Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
