I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
