i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Drake has all the answers
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
