I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
