I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
