I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Verdict: uncircumcised.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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