apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
