Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
