i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
