That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
