He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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