I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize