so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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