I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
