It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
