my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
