If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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