what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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