Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My vagina is officially offended.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
