You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
