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• (315): View more from New York

  i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?

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• (626): View more from California

  I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.

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• (424): View more from California

  This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.

  (425): View more from Washington

  I've never been so happy to be celibate.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".

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