real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
