his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
