I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
