I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
