my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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