It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
