i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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