If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
