You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
