She is in my trunk
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
