Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
