is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
